so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
