Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
