you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize