Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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