She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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