after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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