I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
