so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
