OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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