dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
