If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
