He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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