My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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