Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
