your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
