In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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