just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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