been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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