white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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