the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
