You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
