i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
