Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
