I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
