dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
