Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
