it hurts more in the daytime
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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