if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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