Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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