The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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