so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
