dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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