Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize