Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
