You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
