is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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