you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
