Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
