i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
