no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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