We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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