Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
