I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We smell like vodka and hangover
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