we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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