when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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