I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
