i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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