Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
