Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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