I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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