did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
