His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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