Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
