I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
