I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
