Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
