i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
