Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
