yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
