the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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