As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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