She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
