The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
