you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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