I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
