he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
