So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
