You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
